Will it rain today?

Stand Off

2010-02-03T15:55:00.002Z

This afternoon when we got home from school Jordan decided to play outside for a bit an doff he went into the back garden. Naturally, kicking the football around the garden evolved into kick the ball against the house and I opened the back door to tell him not to kick the ball against the house. Instantly this was translated into "one more time" and he knew he was in for it. So he yelled back and escalated it all to rude. Fine if that's how you want to play it...no cocolate bar that was just purchased at the shop on the way home from school. This was translated into "Oh my god you aren't going to give me any food anymore and I am just going to die right here in this spot". In the middle of the back garden, arms crossed looking grumpy. I laughed. Oh, I just couldn't help myself. He stayed out there for fifteen minutes. Standing there progressed to sitting in a lump with his arms around his knees...back facing the house...and on to grabbing a spare tarp to cover himself with and block out the harsh cold winds.

When he came in he snuck around the house to the front door and bounced in when I opened the door. Bright and cheerful..hoping I will have forgotten all about it.

visitors

2010-01-14T16:10:00.000Z

I had no idea so many people were popping onto my blog!

VISITS

Total 4,512
Average Per Day 26
Average Visit Length 0:10
Last Hour 0
Today 0
This Week 183

I don't usually pay much attention to the stats email when it arrives every week but I had a peek this time for the heck of it. Fully expected to see the usual five or so visitors two of which are usually me! Granted these visitors are almost all from just googleing 'Will it rain today' guess I picked a pretty good title :) Anyone wanna buy it from me cuz I am stillllll looking for a job.

I spent the whole day filling out applications just as I have for so many days lately *sigh* I am getting quite frustrated. Not one interview! :(

ugh!

2009-12-22T09:08:00.002Z

my piccys have gone awol! I will have to move the links over to flickr but have no time just now...I must knit.

pretty pretty lights

2009-12-14T12:10:00.000Z

Well, I did it. We did it...Mr helped me to undecorate the tree and add another string of lights :) He bought me a really cool set of led lights. They are super bright and the tree looks soooo much better. We got more garland and put it all over the house. I am feeling much better and actually looking forward to the holidays now :) It's amazing what some pretty lights can do.

not mature enough

2009-12-11T12:55:00.000Z

My two oldest sons turned 18 and 16 this week. I honestly don't feel grown up enough to be the mother of an 18 year old.

Just not feeling it

2009-12-10T15:57:00.000Z

Christmas. Bah humbug. Well, maybe not quite that bad really but I am feeling pretty neither here nor there about it. I decorated...kinda half heartedly though and mostly because Jordan wanted it. We gave him his Christmas on Tuesday. I hadn't even gotten stocking stuffers yet. *sigh* Usually even if I am not feeling it once the tree is up and all twinkly I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy. Not this time...honestly...I think the tree looks pretty sad. It needs more lights. It's really lopsided. It was the only one left when J and Mr went to get one and since J declared it PERFECT it came to live with us. I am soooooooo tempted to undecorate it and add about five more sets of lights to it. Two simply isn't enough. Nope, not even close. Maybe that'll help. More twinkles. *shrug*

:(

2009-12-02T09:05:00.000Z

Well, still on the hunt for a job. I have applied for tons and tons already but I have a feeling people aren't looking past the last one. I really hope I win this tribunal...I want them to see that they have done wrong by me. I don't care much about the money only just to replace what I would have made but most of all I want a statement from them saying it was an unfair dismissal.

We did the cashflow last night and let me tell you it's not at all good. This morning I am feeling terrible...so completely deflated. :(

delete selected

2009-12-01T13:16:00.002Z

I have a creeping need for a fresh start...a sneaking desire to start my blog all fresh and new. Why? Well, thus far it's only ever really been known to my online friends...with the exception of the Worthing knitters but they were born on Ravelry. Anyway...I would like to start adding more family stuff to keep in touch with friends and fam in the states but I am worried that in my anonymous Internet freedom I may have said something offensive in the past. Not worried about anything major really just little things here and there. Maybe I am just being over sensitive. hmmm decisions decisions. Maybe I will have a little re-read of some archives and then decide. Stay tuned.

On the job front...nada. I did find an opening at the Aids Alliance that I worked for last year in the summer for a while. That one would be quite nice. It was a great relaxed place to work. Relaxed and busy. So relaxed in fact that many a worker wanders the office barefoot in the summer. They even told me during the health and safety lecture how I was welcome to do so but that I should realize that it could lead to a stubbed toe. Oh the danger!

Holidays...feeling definitely out of spirit. No real reason why...just very blah about it. Well, come to think of it, I am starting to feel distinctly uncomfortable with the thought of having it here. MIL and SIL are coming to us. I was really excited about it when it was planned but now that it is around the corner I am realizing that part of my coping abilities stem from not being at home. If I am at home then the kids would be here too. Jordan leaves the 12th Dec and the ex is still being difficult about letting the older ones come over. *sigh* It's going to end up in court. joy.

right...moving on now.

2009-10-21T22:48:00.003+01:00

Lost my job last Thursday. They dismissed me two weeks before I had my one year in. Flimsy reasons like that I used the Internet while at work...umm everyone in the bloody office does. They have been giving me crap work for months and now I think they thought since I hadn't quit myself they had better do it before I hit one year and had some damn protection. I am appealing it and will take it to tribunal too...I have grounds. wish me luck!

On a good note...withdrawal from that medicine has just about gone away...few symptoms remain and only now and again.

Yes…

2009-10-14T15:38:00.001+01:00

Co-worker: Boss person and I will be going over our courses tomorrow and need the synopsis for each one…is there a way to get them out of the system?

What I wanted to say: Are you as stupid as you look right now…have you ever heard of a printer???

What I did say: Yes.

Co-worker: Do you think you can get those for us so we can lay them all out on the table and have a look at them?

What I wanted to say: Oh yes please allow me to do a completely mindless and tedious job for you oh great and powerfully busy co-worker. We shall not have you doing your own tedious work…that would just be wrong!

What I did say: Yes

Thoughts

2009-10-14T14:20:00.001+01:00

This is one of those emails that gets passed around and around but there are some on here that made me giggle so I thought I would share. Yeah, I'm nice like that!

In case anyone is interested (is there anyone out there?! hello hello hello) I am finally beginning to feel better. Nasty drug is still playing with my head and making me dizzy but it's going going gone J

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you're wrong.

- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"

feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realise I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'

examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies".

- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories.

- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning that just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem …

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?

Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

- As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

2 * 2 = 1?!!

2009-10-13T11:18:00.001+01:00

Today my job consists of estimating an average per day cost for training in a particular department and then multiplying that but an uneducated guess of the number of training days needed. Yeah, that's gonna provide clear results. I said I would help provide some information but I wasn't putting my name to it because is non-sense and guess work.

I love my job *sigh*

‘nice farm smell’

2009-10-08T11:30:00.001+01:00

I get a weekly email that tells me how many people have been on my blog. I am constantly amazed that anyone reads it all honestly J This week while skimming through the various search terms that led people here I found this one. 'nice farm smell'. That's her, she smells like nice farms! lol cracked me up.

A nice laugh this morning was very well received as this withdrawal has been kicking my ass the last few days. I wake up in the morning with a lovely headache. Nothing bad enough to make me need to stay in bed (unfortunetly?!) but just bad enough to make me distinctly uncomfortable all day long. Then around noon I start the dizzy dance…this is where the slightest movement sends dizzy shivers from my head throughout my body. It is the weirdiest sensation…not good, not fun. I cried last night standing in my kitchen when one of these dizzy spells hit me hard. I just sat my head down on the counter and cried. I want off this ride. I am down to a quarter of the dose I was prescribed so I know I am making good progress but it's bloody miserable. I am really worried about when I drop off it completely. I am really concerned that I won't be able to concentrate at work and make some horrible mistake. I am seriously considering asking the Dr to write me off work for a little bit just to dive under the covers and let this pass.

Nervous

2009-09-24T14:52:00.001+01:00

I am feeling rather nervous about this doctors appointment tonight. It's going to be a battle to come off this medication and if I can't get the support I need from the Doc it will only make it all the harder! Wish me luck!!

Oh and on a side note….if the girl that sits in the next pod at work doesn't stop scratching her head I am going to scream. For some reason it sounds so completely disgusting…she does it sooooooooooo much. It makes me cringe and I feel so bad too because I know she has a skin condition…but oh my goodness please oh please stop it!!!

Ho hum

2009-09-23T13:32:00.001+01:00

I am soooooooooooooo bored!! I should be working but I have spent the last several weeks at work doing nothing and I do mean nothing but copying and pasting. Some days it's all I can do just to stay awake. Today, I just can't concentrate at all….my mind is wandering in a thousand different directions.

First, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow in which I am going to ask my GP to help me stop taking a particular drug I have been on for almost three years. The withdrawal from this drug is terrible…really, really terrible. I am feeling very scared and excited all wrapped into one. I am dreading the withdrawal, which can last for months in some cases and includes a very long list of symptoms but once it's done it's done! Over the past six months or so I have been suffering with more and more of the side effects that the drug itself causes and I want to be rid of these more than I dread the withdrawal. The worst, or rather the most embarrassing one is sweating. The least bit of heat, the least bit of execration and I am dripping with sweat! My hair never looks good these days because the sweating makes it go all wonky. There are more side effects but I will spare you, dear internet, from those details. :)

Secondly, I need to get busy making jam for Christmas gifts. Apple and Sage Chilli Jam…….Red Chilli Jam…….one more as well in which I haven't decided yet. Don't even know quite how to make the apple and sage one so it will take a few trials I think.

Then I wonder if my sister-in-law is going to ask us if she can move in with us for a little while. She is opening a new pub in Worthing and has been down for a night or two every week for the last couple weeks. I have this sneaking suspicion she is going to move in with us while she gets her own livings arrangements made. I wonder how well hubster would handle that. They get along ok, fine on most occasions…it's just that a large dose makes them fight.

I want to go home and knit or read my book and I wonder if I will find some time to do so this evening. We have had company or gone out every single night for over a week and I am longing for a nice quiet evening to relax. I even cancelled some plans for tomorrow night so we could have just that!

Right…back to copy/paste. You know you are jealous.

6 weeks 1 day 20 hours to go

2009-09-10T11:44:00.001+01:00

Hiya :)

We are back from holiday now…well been back for well over a week now. I am sorry Tusa I didn't get the address to you!! We were sooooo busy moving house in the days leading up to leaving that I completely forgot to get it to you! :( I also forgot to tell the cleaner not to come. She came and set the house alarm off…neighbours had to rescue her and it took over a half hour to reset the alarm. Oops!

The office is filled with boxes. I haven't done a walking video tour of the new house like I promised my mother I would do. I haven't been to the gym since weeks before we moved. We have company over every single day of the coming weekend and the next three Saturday nights. I haven't picked up my knitting in days and days. I am feeling a severe lack of 'me time'. I am getting waxed tonight but surely that doesn't count on account of the pain and all. Of I also haven't ironed J's name into any of his uniform kit.

*sigh* I wanna go back on holiday.

happy, happy, joy, joy

2009-08-07T11:32:00.001+01:00

I am in an unreasonably cheerful mood today. We had a really lovely evening last night. Mt mum-in-law arrived for a visit and we all went out to dinner. We talked and laughed and just had a really nice time. I wanted to skiv off today and stay home to hang out with her for the day. I will be counting the minutes until I can escape this place and be free for the weekend. It's going to be really nice. We are going to the West Dean Chili Festival tomorrow where I shall be sampling as many of the spicy jams I can get my hands on. My red chilli jam was so fantastic last year I want to make it and maybe two others for gifts at Christmas so I need some ideas.

Right…so much for not skiving…back to work with me!

Kill them

2009-08-06T15:45:00.001+01:00

Or more specifically her. Several of us here in the office this afternoon. The air-conditioning is on and it's pleasant and cool in here. It's been sooooo sticky the past several days that this is a welcome relief. All is calm and cool and the 'she' comes back from her lunch and announces that it's an icebox in here and she's turning the air RIGHT OFF. Drives me insane…this girl thinks she is the only one in the office, no concern how any one else feels…she must be comfortable. In another hour my arms will be sticking to the desk.

Oops!

2009-08-06T15:12:00.001+01:00

When we go on holiday in a couple weeks time we are taking with us Mister's ex-partners son. All well and good…he's a good kiddo and will be fun to have him along. So, I emailed his mum and said she needed to get him a visa waiver…even sent her a link to the application. So thoughtful of me, heh? Well, then I realized that the link I had sent her was to a site offering a guide on how to apply…a guide that costs $49.95. When did I realize this, you ask? She emailed me back saying how much it cost and me thinking it was free looked a bit deeper into it. Yeah, the application is free when you just go ahead and apply. No guide needed…it's really simple to do. Oops. I don't think I am even brave enough to tell her she has wasted her money. I am such a bad, bad person!

Far too sleepy

2009-08-06T12:04:00.001+01:00

My mum-in-law arrives this evening for her first visit to my house. She is really lovely and I am sure the visit will be very nice but I am still feeling rather nervous about it. We are in the midst of moving house so there are boxes and piles everywhere. It's so untidy. I feel like I am going to make a really lousy impression. Even the garden is an absolute wreck! We've been to busy playing at being kid free to have bothered with very much work around the house.

We haven't even really made much of a start in the packing and we move in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! During which mum-in-law will be here for four days and then we have to plans for Monday evening and I am away for work on Tuesday evening, plans on Wednesday evening ….hmm we can pack on Thursday but we are away on Friday and Saturday nights and we move on Sunday. OMG that's not two weeks…..that's only just over a week…barely over a week and we have one free evening in which to finish packing up the whole house. Ohhh my goodness I do feel a panic coming on.

My mum is home again…did I mention she was in the hospital. She's not doing well at all. Congestive heart failure has now been added to list of things that will never improve. She can barely get a sentence out…she just hasn't enough breath to even talk. I am beginning to feel terribly, horribly guilty that I can't do more to help. *sigh*

19 days

2009-08-04T09:57:00.001+01:00

I can't wait to see my boys and my mum and my friends! I must say I am absolutely terrified that one of us will get the swine flu. Not that I am concerned about having I t…it's just the flu after all….but if any of us have symptoms I won't be able to go and see my mum. She's been really bad and is sliding downhill so if she gets it, well, it would likely mean the end.

Right working now so I had better leave this here. Just figured out how to use Word as my editor for this though so I am hoping to be able to post a bit more. Yeah, try to contain your excitement!

peek a boo

2009-06-16T20:43:00.002+01:00

Wow it's been eons since I posted anything here....shocked really that it hasn't been shut down by blogger! lol ore to come I promise :)

Battered and Bruised

2008-08-18T10:05:00.000+01:00

We played paintball on Sunday. Ohhh goodness did we have fun too. The first couple games I shot like crazy running out of paint in both games but then I got the hang of it and really got into it. I was crawling around on the ground and taking out the enemy. In one game I even made the win and stole the flag from the other teams home base. Didn’t get shot once in that one! However, in the last game I was killed many times and I killed many men. We won that one too but I came away bearing the scars of battle. I have a bruise on my left arm that is about 3 inches in diameter and several other ones scattered about. Let me tell you those little balls hurt like hell when they hit you.

One game the other team had just nabbed our flag and the poor kid that stole it got nailed by about three people at once, including me. I was pretty close to him when he dropped the flag and my competitive streak came out and I dived to recover the flag. Naturally, I was next to be attacked then and got hit hard. I ran to base wiped off death and ran back out and did in the end recover the flag for our team. I had become a warrior!

Foolishly so. I am soooo sore! My legs ache and my bruises hurt and my shoulders ache and my knees! Oh my knees hurt from dropping to the ground when under fire. Mark was jumping and rolling and diving and he’s sore too. He ran into a friend who went with us at the grocery store and asked her if she was having any difficulty walking properly to which she responded with a long moan. We are so old. *sigh*

We will do it again I am sure. It’s one of those things where you forget the pain after a while I think as it was so very much fun!

I have a job!

2008-08-07T11:25:00.003+01:00

A real job. A permanent job!

I had an interview yesterday for a company that handles the outsourcing of training for their clients. I was pretty excited about the interview as the job description was so very much like what I was doing at my last job in the States. I thought I'd be a shoe in for this one. I studied all afternoon for it...pouring over their website and getting to know all the services they offered so I could casually mention a bit here and there in the interview.

It was going well sitting and chatting to the Director I had the appointment with but then she wanted me to go upstairs and meet a couple people that I would be working with. My hopes went up then....thinking she'd not bother if she wasn't at least interested in me. So we go up and into a conference room with two others and start chatting again about my experience and how suitable I would be for the position and suddenly the Director starts going on about how soon I can start. I had told her I have a holiday coming up at the end of the month and she was going on about how she'd really rather that I had two weeks in before I left on holiday. So, I interrupted her and asked...."umm does that mean you are hiring me?" She got all excited and said "ohhh yes, if you want it!". Naturally I said yes!!!!! It's a great job and making more than I was making in the States. I am very excited about it.

Queen!

2008-08-06T10:08:00.002+01:00

We are thinking about buying a pub. We drove out to stay with a friend last night and have a look at her new place. She’s just recently moved out into the countryside. She’s living her dream really on 40 acres of land and by opening a horse livery. Gorgeous open countryside and at the end of her lane is a nice little pub. We went in for dinner and a few drinks and walked out planning the little things we could do to improve the place. It’s a nice place as it is but it’s just oooozing with potential. Good location with some but not overmuch competition. Real ales already on tap, which I am told is a good sign as they will go off if not drunk quickly enough. Mediocre food that would be easy to improve. This is a real possibility. Now just to do the investigations necessary to make an informed decision.

It’s called The Crown and I may Queen!

What a great weekend!

2008-08-05T08:05:00.000+01:00

We dashed off after work and drove to Newbury to visit a friend of Mark’s. What a nice evening…wine soaked and ended in fantastic curry. Does life get any better than that? Then we packed it in and went for a camping overnight with some online friends and had such a wonderful time. The weather even co-operated with us. We woke up Saturday morning to grey skies and drizzle but by the time we got to the farm it had turned into a perfect day. Sunny and warm and glorious. I even got a touch of sunburn!

We stayed on a farm in the New Forest. There were about 50 of all together and, save one couple, we had not met any of them in “real life”. It was so difficult to switch from calling people by their screen nick names to their real name. We all had these little name tags on with our screen names on one side and our real names on the other. Still it was very hard to remember to call people by their given names. It was so neat to faces to all the names that we chat with. I mean, everyone has pics online but somehow most people looked little like their pictures. Some looked much, much better in person while others not so much. In fact there was one girl there that was down right scary. She was an older women…I think anyhow…she was the type that just looked like it’d been a long hard life. A life that left her a bit worse for the wear and, honestly, a bit of a nutter. She was that person who does everything possible to draw attention to herself. Things like sitting on the edge of the crowd hoping to draw someone away to ask her if everything was alright and to lead her back into the mix. Then at about 3 am she let everyone know what a terrific time she was having. (A very good time if you know what I mean) Sooo loud and for soooo long. Nearly an hour!

There was this other guy there who was also a bit of a nutter but in a much nicer way. He was the life of the party sort. Making jokes, falling out of chairs, walking on hot coals. Yeah, that last bit was a bit over the top and I actually missed the show but I heard all about it. We had a bonfire and late in the night he knocked it over, not sure if it was on purpose or not as he was doing the fire tending as well. Anyway, as some coals spilled out he had the brilliant idea that he was going to do a fire walk! He pushed the incinerator more and more until he had a little trail of burning coals and proceeded to dance down it. Silly sod. His feet were well burnt and he was well sorry come morning. I was surprised he could even walk as he must have been in utter misery. I do think though he sucked it up so to make light of it. His wife had went to bed hours ago as she was fed up with his clowning around and I bet he made it seem not so bad as not to incur any more wrath from her. 15 years they have been together. I’d have killed him in a week. Fun at a party yes but to live with that…ohh hell no!

Sunday we were going to try and tic off a pub out of the good beer guide but they didn’t open until noon so we just had a nice drive through the New Forest and headed home. We did see the ponies though. I was so excited. They were everywhere just roaming about. I got some pics and will post them as soon as I get them off my phone.

Just a little slow today!

2008-08-01T10:48:00.001+01:00

I have been working in Brighton on the temp assignment that I have been talking about and have been taking the train to work. It’s actually rather nice. I get to sit and read and relax without any distractions. Well, this morning there was one distraction that would have been a good one. Umm…that would be arriving at the station I needed to change trains at. It’s not like this is new and I didn’t recognize where I was…oh no…I was just so content in my reading I didn’t even notice where I was. I happened to look up and out the window and there was the station sign right in front of my window. I jumped up, knowing my lunch bag onto the floor in the process and dashed for the door. I made it….just in time for the door to lock and the whistle to blow. Just in time for the automated voice to tell me..”Welcome aboard….” Damn it! I felt like such an idiot!

32 minutes late for work. No lunch break for me today : (

Brilliant!!

2008-07-31T15:59:00.002+01:00

Well, Jordan has been gone for just a little over a week now and I am exhausted! You would think that I’d be getting a rest from not having the momma pull happening but in order to take advantage of our brief kid free status Mark and I have had a very tight social calendar. We are having a great time but goodness it’s tiring! We have been seeing friends for dinner, for drinks...just for a visit.

Jordan left on the 20th and since then we have had 4 evenings free. One, just this past Monday wasn’t truly free as it filled quickly with a chiro appointment and then a frantic house cleaning spree. Now we are back on a stretch of plans that, with the exception of next Wednesday, is booked solid until August 11th!

Don’t take it wrong I am not complaining at all! We have been having such fun. It’s been great to be able to just dash off to dinner just the two of us not to mention not having to add ten pounds into the nights expenses. Goodness I can’t imagine the babysitting fees we’d be racking up if J were here!

I do miss that sweet little guy. I miss his hugs and I miss him crawling into our bed on Saturday morning and chatting with Mark, distracting him so I can have a lie in. He called the other day and sounded so very homesick. Just this sad little “hi momma”. He will be fine once he gets to camp today but this week at home with just his dad has him bored silly and missing us.

I am looking forward to my visit over. I am going over to the States for a week at the end of J’s trip. Going to gather a bit more of our stuff and bring it home. Well, not all old stuff…also a bunch of new clothes that I am going to buy and some yarn too. Mmmm knit-picks!!!!

Hmmm…any other updates? Still at the boring temp job although it’s not as boring as it was at the start. I am building them a database so that fills the time when there isn’t any real work to do. Oh, and they think I am brilliant so far! Apparently, I have gotten further in a month than they had in six on this database project….brilliant I tell ya!!! Shhhh don’t tell them but I haven’t done much more than the wizards could have gotten them…well, a bit more yeah but nothing near brilliant. Unless of course searching the net for code and copying it into the database is brilliant. Naw….that’s just resourceful.

I’ll be here till the 22nd and then I am out of work again. Sent out a slew of applications today again so fingers crossed!

busy busy busy

2008-07-10T11:51:00.001+01:00

I need a vacation! Well, maybe not a whole vacation just a day now and again where as I have little to do. I want a day when I can knit or read at my leisure. I think I got awfully spoiled by not working for all that time since we moved over. Everyday is so jam packed with activity that I feel like I haven’t had a moment to stop and catch my breath lately. Last weekend we were very busy and when I did have some free time I slept! I was so tired, ok a little bit hung over too, on Sunday that I went to bed at 6pm and slept the whole night through!! I’m not complaining really because I really am enjoying myself. We been to a dinner party, had drinks with friends…even work has been nice…it’s just I want to knit and I want to read and I desperately need a pedicure. Free time gets quickly devoted to housework or errands or outings. Never mind….I have six weeks kid free coming my way and that will certainly free up a bit of time. No kidlet messes, no baths to give, no hours spent creating a pretend mail order catalogue! Tell ya about that one later I had better get back to actually working now that they’ve finally given me some actual work to be done. Later.

Well, another day another dollar.

2008-07-04T09:46:00.002+01:00

err, pound. I had an email waiting for me this morning when I got into work. It said what a great job I was doing. Here let me share:

“Deanna, you have been doing very well in your new job with limited guidance from me. I am impressed by how quickly you are picking up the important details required in the tasks.”

Hmmmm, apparently I bugger all extraordinarily well!!! Yesterday, I sent out three emails. That’s it. All. Day. Long. I think I read every single page of the intranet site and most of their internet site as well. Where I sit in the office is so exposed I couldn’t even surf the web. Ohhh, what a painfully long day it was. Today should be better I have a few tasks to take care of so I should be busy till about noon. Then I get the exciting task of scanning in a huge stack of contracts. Kill me now.

You take the good...you take the bad

2008-07-03T12:05:00.001+01:00

Well, it’s been nearly three months since the little guy and I moved to England. It certainly has been an adventure! We have settled in very nicely, smoother than I had even hoped. Not that I expected troubles but these things take time. Annalise ( I am certain I have spelled that wrong!!!) asked about the good and the bad so here goes J

Good: I have a job at the moment.

Bad: It’s only a temp position and I am getting paid ten pound an hour to do fuck all! I am bored silly. I have literally done absolutely nothing all day today. I’m even writing this from work just so I look busy rather than some slacker who just sits and stares at her monitor. I have had six job interviews for permanent positions and all of them, save one undecided still, have said how lovely I am and warm and well qualified I am. Unfortunately, every single time there has been someone else who had more relevant experience or someone the managing director wanted hired in. I have one left dangling…..well two really but the second has said they aren’t sure the position suits me but they are “keeping me in mind”. The one remaining opportunity just hasn’t made any decisions yet. I really hate being left hanging. It’s been very frustrating. The worst part being that I feel like such a burden to poor hubby. Every household bill has increased because of J and I and I still have a few US bills that have to be paid every month. He gets frustrated with me when I spend money, tries to hide it sometimes, lectures me others…but there is just this look he gets that makes me feel guilty to the core for having to use his money to pay for all the little things that come up.

Good: The weather. Generally though the weather has been very nice…lots of sunny days and moderate weather, hardly any rain at all. So far anyhow!

Bad: Unpredictability!! Goodness why do they even bother with a weather report here? It’s rarely ever correct and when it is it’s more to chance than any sort of science. Changes constantly too…I can look it up and it says sunny all day and hubby can come along and tell me how he saw it was going to rain in the afternoon. The most surprising thing about the weather has been the drastic temperature differences. We will be in shorts and t shirts one day and the next dragging a sweater back out of the closet. It’s so odd.

Good: Jordan is very settled. He loves his school, well, as much as any six year old loves school anyhow! He’s made friends and even had one over for tea one evening. He’s just started going to a childminder this week and though he fussed about it some when I told him it would be happening he’s actually enjoying it quite a lot. We ride our bikes to her house in the morning…it’s about a mile and a half…and then I ride on to the train station. I’m working in Brighton just now…morning commute is about an hour and twenty minutes but that includes taking J to the child minders house…it’s only a thirty minute train ride and the office is only ten minutes from the station.

Especially Good: Jordan and Mark are really bonding. Jordan calls him Daddy about 80% of the time…usually reverts to Mark when he wants his attention more quickly. They have been sweetly affectionate with each other…lots of hugs. Jordan has even begun to come to Mark for spontaneous cuddles which is just so very sweet. Mark really loves him too…it’s comforting to see them getting closer and closer.

I am very happy here. It just simply feels like I have finally found the life I was meant for. I feel comfortable, content and very much in love. Life is good.

Oh..one more Bad: Driving. Blah!! Makes me so nervous…just wound up tight and nervous. I have only done it twice so far and have to take a theory and road test within a year. Mark says I should take a few lessons and I think I am going to take him up on that offer because I feel absolutely clueless.

All for now….gonna try and see if they can give me some work to do. Or maybe just go to lunch.

I'm Back :)

2008-06-12T11:19:00.002+01:00

Wow! It's been ages since I have updated this.

I am all moved over to England now and loveing it sooooo very much.

The little guy is adjusting well to a new school and new friends. He loves the sea and riding the bus.

Me...I just love it all. I am so very happy.

More later...I promise not to disappear again!

Start at the very begining...

2008-02-25T17:06:00.003Z

I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Wedding plans are set and fine but moving seems like such a huge task that I haven't even begun to do anything yet. Ya know how it is when you have a big job to do and you just don't know where to start? That's how moving is feeling. I have sooooo much stuff to get rid of and no real idea of how to do so. Mark and Mitch will take their personal stuff to their Dad's house but save that I have an apartment to get rid of. Beds and dressers, a couch, microwave....even my spices that I cook with. I am not shipping anything over, just taking batches of stuff on each trip so all in all I am taking very little. Shipping was far to expensive...$1000.00 for just 50 cubic feet! Books, games, just too much stuff. I even have a storage unit I have to go through. *sigh* I have to dive in and get started very soon as I have already booked our one way tickets for April 12th.

46 days to do it all. Well, actually 36 as we have our cruise next week...oh and less the five days that everyone will be here for the wedding. 31 days to get rid of everything as well as pulling together the visa application. Yeah, a little overwhelmed.

All I want for Easter is my two front teeth

2008-02-20T21:36:00.000Z

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

love is...

2008-02-17T04:56:00.001Z

They sat there while I made dinner one evening. First they drew a sea scape, fish, divers, shells, etc. Then they started designing a mall. I heard mention of a toy store, a pet store, and then a food court. They named their restaurant cherry pie, or apple pie....I can't remember which but J showed me the pictograph they made for the sign on the restaurant...a little apple and then the symbol for pi. Man o man does the geek in me love that man.

the details

2008-02-15T13:34:00.004Z

So, as promised, here are some more details :) The court hearing went beautifully, from our point of view of course, although it was really terribly painful to watch my ex. He really didn't have a clue what he was up against. I had suspected this all along but didn't realize the extent until the hearing. He didn't understand the type of hearing it was, he didn't understand the sort of evidence he should have been presenting...nothing. It was truely painful to watch someone fail so miserably. I won the right to get J his passport and the right to move him to England. It was the last piece of the puzzle we needed to make firm plans.

Oh and plans we have made! We have set a wedding date for March 22nd :) We will be getting married here in Michigan, up North in Gaylord where my mom lives. It's to difficult for her to travel so we are taking it to her. We've booked the airline tickets for Mark and his best man to fly over, booked hotel rooms, found a church and booked it too. The only thing left to book is a meal at a nice resturant, limited as they are in Gaylord. That will wait on setting the time for the wedding which should be done this weekend after a conference call with the minister. My little sister might even come up from Florida for it. yea! I am sooooooo excited.

36 days!

I AM MOVING TO ENGLAND!!!!!

2008-02-12T14:16:00.001Z

We won! I am so beyond excited I can hardly think straight!!!! Now the paperwork and planning begins and my list of things to do is HUGE! Will get into some details in a bit. ohhhhh goodie goodie!!!!!!!

Cocoa Swap Presents!!!

2008-02-06T23:04:00.000Z

I was soooooo excited today when I got an email from my cocoa swap buddy telling me that my package would be arriving within 24 hours and then I got home and saw it on the porch! I may have even let a small squeal of delight slip. Wowza did Mary send me some wonderful things! She made me a stuffed owl which is so adorable! I can't let my mom see it or she will certainly attempt to steal it from me. A whole bag of mini reeses cups too....mmm yummy, my favorite. The chocolate to peanut butter ratio is so much better than in the big ones. I also got hot cocoa of course but I got Aztec spicy hot cocoa and I can't wait to try it. I have always wanted to try the spicy Mexican version of cocoa. Naturally, I got yarn too (four skeins!!) and it's gorgeous bamboo yarn. I haven't yet knitted with bamboo but it feel very soft and silky so I am very excited about it. I think I might make a tank top of some sort for summer. It feels like a lighter breezier kind of yarn. Mary also sent me a neat little air freshener for my car...ocean water scented...to remind me that summer days aren't to far off...and she tucked in a row counter (thank you so much...I am embarking on my first lace project and will need it!) and some needle holders too.

Look at these great needles!They are hand painted and the stitch markers are hand made too. Very, very nice, thank you so very much Mary....I feel so incredibly spoiled!

Yes. I remember Adlestrop—

2008-02-06T14:17:00.000Z

From January 2008 ...

I am so tense about Monday. My life is hanging on this decision and I don't want to even think about the decisions I will face if the judge doesn't find in favor of the move. In general I feel fairly positive about it all. We have satisfied every inch of the law but that just doesn't take into account feelings. If the judge feels it will do too much damage to the father/son relationship then he could still very well rule against us. Aside from having all the requirements met fully we do have one other thing on our side....the ex did nothing but throw slurs out in the last hearing. All accusations that he can't back up. He will show how bitter he is and how very money focused he is and it will all show how he's fighting this just for sake of fighting it. He doesn't even ever attend any school functions, rarely appeared at a soccer game...he takes him for his every other weekend because that's expected of him but he does absolutely nothing beyond that for his son. He's a playmate and that's all. Don't misunderstand, I have no intention of keeping J from his Dad. I want them to continue to have a relationship and I will do everything I can to make that relationship as close as possible over the distance. I just won't let him hold us back. We have the opportunity to have a wonderful life in England. Please, oh please, let the judge see that.

The pic is Adlestrop by the way and the title is the first line of Edward Thomas's poem. It's such a lovely spot....oh, how I want to come home.

Topic of the Week #3: Project Process - UK SWAP

2008-02-05T15:12:00.000Z

Q: What is your process when planning a project? Do you shop for yarn and then find a suitable pattern? Do you find your pattern and then go out to buy the yarn? Or are you stash-busting? If your stash is out of control, how did it get that way?

I tend to shop for a pattern first. Browse the internet, ravelry and find the project I want to work on...then comes the yarn. My stash is very small still as it's just the begining of this hobby for me. I can see how it could grow quickly though as I have been tempted, many times, to buy some yarn just because it is so delicious. Got to be careful :)

missing England

2008-02-03T04:17:00.000Z

I am missing it so much more than I thought I would be. I think perhaps it's the feelings there that I miss the most. I just simply felt like I belong there. Please, oh please, let the court date go our way I want so badly to begin to make real plans for moving.

As promised here are a few pics :)

Almost a smile! He never smiles for pics but there is almost a little smirk there. I took this one at Kenilworth Castle. Wow, was it impressive. I am such a sucker for the Elizabeth/Robert Dudley story and there I was walking the same grounds as they had so long ago. I was breathless. This is one of the things I most love about England. It is so seeped in history. American history, while interesting in it's self, just doesn't fascinate me like English history does. It doesn't have the same depth.

Just me peeking through a little doorway at Kenilworth.

Warwick Castle. Pronounced Warick.....like soooo many places I said it wrong many times. I mean really, have the English just randomly added letter just to make foriegners sound like morons?! I can't wait to wander around this castle. We were told it takes a good solid day so we left it for another time and went to St Mary's church instead. What a gorgesous church that was. Robert Dudley is buried there so I was very interested in seeing it and I wasn't disppointed at all. Mark's Aunt and Uncle and cousin gave us a grand tour as his Uncle works as a guide there and they are all very into old churches. It was fantastic to see such a wonderful place with knowledgeable guides. I hope I have the chance to visit other places with them.

A walk in the countryside. I adore the fact that the public footpaths are protected such as they are in England. To have the right to roam this beautiful countryside is an absolute pleasure. The little white flowers are snowdrops and in a few weeks the same area will be covered in bluebells. I will likely miss the bluebells again this year though but I am so looking forward to this very walk next year.

The "crack" at the Tate Modern in London. Wow. I was duly impressed. The crack spans the turbine hall and is 548 feet long. It truly looks like someone pulled the building apart and it has split down the middle. It's meant to represent the division, borders, racism. The most interesting was to watch the people viewing it. Some stayed to one side or the other, some steped back and forth, while yet others walked along it straddling the divide. The people became part of the exhibit for me. You can imagine how unjustly people are separated without knowing who the truly are. Go see it if you can.

home sweet home...

2008-01-31T13:02:00.000Z

I'm home. Sort of anyhow....it's an odd feeling to be working towards such a big move. This place, Michigan, doesn't feel quite so homey anymore. I want to go back to England. We will know very soon weather the move will be possible. A new court date has been set for Febuary 11th and this one should decide it. Mark is flying over to attend and give testimony. There is a chance we won't get through all the testimony in one day and a chance that the judge will take the whole thing under advisement but all in all we will have a decision. I am incredibly nervous and excited all at once.

Topic for one of the swaps is favorite vacations so later I will write up this last trip and post some pics too :) but for now work is beckoning....ohhh my oh my have the piles grown since I was away!

Cocoa Swap topic week #2

2008-01-17T14:56:00.000Z

Now that we're in the thick of 'Winter'... has your knitting changed to match the season? Are you moving on from dishcloths, and tank tops to afghans, hats and mittens? Has your yarn changed from silk or cotton to wool, superwash or heavier cottons?

I am a very new knitter. I took a class at a wonderful little shop in downtown Royal Oak...Ewe-Nique Knits (there is a Ravelry group for it too now!) but since that was only just this past fall I haven't really had the time to change what I am knitting as of yet. After I made all my swatches and practice pieces I began my very first project, a poncho. It has turned out really well expect the neckline which I am having a bit of trouble with. I decided not to add the hood to it and just do a bit of ribbing but working in the round knitting a rib has become a challenge so I opted for the easy way out and decided to knit some stockinette instead so I would have a nice rolled neckline. I haven't started that yet because I haven't exactly figured out if I have to do standard stockinette or reverse...I do understand how to do it in the round but I can't seem to find any information anywhere on which to use so the roll will curl out and away from the neck.

Anyway, since I am still working on my first major project I haven't switched up much. I did make a couple dishcloths for a friend and am working on my second scarf.....hmm actually the scarves would be more because of winter. I made one for a friend (who doesn't wear it!!!) and am going to cast one on for my mom on my flight tomorrow. I really want to work on the neckline for the poncho on the plane but I don't want to risk taking my new beautiful harmony dpns and security not letting me take them with me. I suppose I could pick up a circ to do it with....this is how stashes begin to grow isn't it? Just one more skein, just one extra set of needles.....lol

Back to work with me....I think I answered the topic but rambled so much I can't be sure!!

UK Swap Questionnaire

2008-01-16T18:09:00.000Z

Part One: Crafting

Do you knit, crochet, or both?
I knit mainly but I do know how to crochet.

What do you like to make? Do you have a favourite project?
I just started knitting in August 2007 so I haven't had time yet to have any favorites.

Do you have a favourite type of fiber or brand of yarn?
again, not really any distinct favorites yet...I am looking forward to working with hemp though as I have heard it drapes beautifully.

Do you have a least favourite type of yarn?
I am not crazy about overly fuzzy yarn...just tangles so easily.

Do you do any other crafts?
Nope.

What knitting do you bring ‘on the go’?
Usually dishcloths with kitchen cotton.

What do you carry your ‘on the go’ knitting in? Do you want something new?
I have a small canvas bag and I am a bagaholic so I'd never turn down new bags.

Are there any knitting gifts (book, toy, yarn, item, tool) that you have been lusting over?
Because I am so new at this I have very little thus far. Anything would be fabulous!

Part Two: Your Favourites

What is your favourite colour? What is your least favourite colour?
Favorite....earth tones, greens, browns, blues. Least favorite....hyper brights.

What scents/smells do you like? What don’t you like?
My fav would probably be cinnamon and I hate floral.

How do you like to pamper yourself? (bubble bath, hand creams, massage, manicure)
Usually a glass of wine and a good book.

What goodies to you like to treat your tummy with? (chocolate, biscuits, truffles, etc.)
Anything! I love to try new and different things so something you can only get locally would be a treat.

Do you prefer tea or coffee while you knit? Any particular kind? Favourite mug/cup?
Usually diet coke :) otherwise it's either one. I love good coffee and teas but I am rather picky about it.
I have a mug from the 75th anniversary of my church that is my current favorite...my boyfriend has one too so it's a lovely dovey sort of thing :)

Do you listen to/watch anything while you knit? (TVshow-Along, movies, music, podcasts)
Lots of movies and music mainly but TV also. Podcasts too come to think of it. I am looking into maybe getting some books on tape too.

Part Three: Living & Past-times

Where do you live in the UK? (General idea not address)
Worthing, West Sussex

Have you always lived here, or did you grow up somewhere else?
I am not officially moved over yet. Currently I am still in Michigan US but am moving in a few months time. I've lived in Michigan my whole life so this is a HUGE adventure for me to move so far away.

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?
That list is really quite long! Tops are many historical places in the UK and then just to fan out from there...I love to travel.

If you couldn’t go to a knitting group, what other kind of gathering would you go to? (book club, tea party, yoga class, jewelery class, etc.)
Book club most likely although I have always wanted to get into a fun exercises class.

What’s your style? (elegant, traditional, glamorous, girly, natural, sporty, outgoing, etc.)
Hmmmm...cute, girly but not to frilly...with some traditional and natural.

Final Part:

Any allergies/preferences (fiber-wise or treat-wise)?
Nope.

Anything we missed that you’d like your partner to know?
I don't think so :)

no decision

2008-01-15T14:32:00.000Z

If there is anyone out here curious....court was a bit of a let down yesterday. We have been refered to the Judge for another hearing. Why we couldn't have seen the judge in the first place is beyond me but it is what it is. I think our next date will be in mid-March. Now to see if I will have to pay the lawyer more. *sigh*

not that I'm counting......

2008-01-13T04:38:00.000Z

Get this widget!

getting antsy

2008-01-11T15:17:00.000Z

I am feeling rather antsy, anxious....today. I leave in 7 days to go see Mark so naturally I have a million and one things to do. I did decide to drive myself to the airport and while it'll cost a bit of money at least I won't have to rely on anyone else to get me there on time. A bit off my mind that I can control that. I missed an international flight once by 15 lousy minutes and am always incredibly nervous about doing it again. I need to finish laundry, plan outfits, pack...all that sort of stuff but I also have to cart my oldest son back and forth to robotics just about every day and it's biting into my time this week. I have to have him there by 8am on Saturday...that really should be outlawed...I need to sleep in a bit on Saturdays, I am so NOT a morning person. I have an appointment on Saturday afternoon to help get all beautified and I have to go by new bras. My favorite one went...boooiiinnnggg, flop! this morning(the underwire broke). I have a meeting at church on Tuesday for the committee I chair and I need to finish changing out the flowers in the sanctuary. Ohhh goodness I also have to write up the annual report for my committee by Sunday.

Monday morning is court to see if I can move Jordan to the UK. Best possible outcome is that we get full permission and can begin planning the move. Worst, naturally is that they say no. Middle road, they order an investigation. Of course I fear the worst but honestly don't think it will go that way as there are four specific things they are to look at and we have them completely covered and covered well. The investigation, while it doesn't worry me in and of itself it will cost me more money as we will have to continue to pay my lawyer. I am feeling anxious about it but also pretty hopeful. We really have covered everything very well and my lawyer sounds pretty optimistic about it. Of course, it helps immensely that my ex is a jobless moron. What the hell was I thinking when I married him. *sigh* Ahh well....I have a wonderful little boy and that is worth the hell he put me through.

Ok...had better get back to work. I am swamped now that the stupid new financial system is at long last up and running again.

Woohoo

2008-01-10T15:10:00.000Z

Well, the drunk guy left me a gift to make up for all the trouble he caused. I went out to get my mail yesterday evening and lo and behold but what did I see....a blackberry curve 8310 was waiting for me. Wiped of all info so it's alllllll mine! I have to unlock it as it's an AT&T phone but that's no big deal. It's so pretty. Oh goodness the geek in me is so happy today :)

Late night excitement

2008-01-09T16:34:00.001Z

So, my friend Nancy and I had just finished our weekly Tuesday night mini Nip/Tuck marathon and she was gathering her things when all of a sudden we heard a banging noise from outside the front door of my apartment. It was a windy outside so our first assumption was just that the screen door had caught a draft and thumped a few times. Then the door knob started to rattle like someone was trying to get it. We went over to the door and I hollered asking who was there. This extremely drunk voice came back to me saying it was Dan or Dave or something of that nature...he wanted me to let him in, kept saying all he wanted to do was go to bed and that he wouldn't hurt me AT ALL. umm right, like I am going to trust that!! We called the police who came pretty quickly to collect him. He was belligerent, falling down drunk. It was very freaky and I am very glad Nancy was over with me. Goodness I hate living on my own.

Scavenger Hunt

2008-01-08T14:00:00.000Z

The cocoa swap I am in will be posting topics for participants to blog on and this weeks was a scavenger hunt. Really neat to browse through all the blogs :) I've linked them here too so the curious can peek too.

1. Who's favorite animal is an Otter? Anne K.
2. Name someone who prefers whipped cream with their hot cocoa Alex E.
3. Find 3 people who live outside of the United States Bianca B Alex E. Lyndsey-Jane C
4. Name a fan of Harry Potter Jinxa
5. Name someone who crochets Mary B
6. Name someone who DOES NOT have a healthy supply of notions Kristen M.
7. Name someone who has NOT put up their questionnaire yet (just put a date with your answer in case they put it up after seeing their name listed somewhere ;-) ) Emily H-K (1-8), Heather F (1-8)
8. Who likes to have Kahlua, Baileys, or Peppermint Schnapps in their cocoa? Jodi H
9. Name someone who knits fingerless gloves as a 'quick knit' Cindy F
10.Name someone who's looking forward to gardening this spring. Geraldine P.
11.Who's favorite way to drink cocoa is with a gorgeous Frenchman, while overlooking the eiffel tower from a French Cafe? (I'm right there with you... well at the table next to yours!) Kris L
12.Name someone who's favorite animal is NOT a dog or house cat Beth S - Turtle!
13. Name someone who's favorite treat is NOT chocolate. Patti R.
14. Who plays Candyland? Criquette
15. Name someone who DOESN'T get the winter blahs Eva G.

sad, sad day

2008-01-07T16:46:00.000Z

I am feeling rather sad today. I have had my cat for 21 years, she's a good old girl but she's just gotten to old now and I have to have her put to sleep. She was born in my sock drawer when I was a junior in high school. I am doing ok about it just now but going home afterwards and tossing out the litter box and making her essentially disappear from our lives is really making me very sad. I really am going to miss her.

I told the kids that I was taking her in, well I told the older two anyhow. I didn't want to tell Jordan that I was having her put to sleep because I didn't want him thinking that I killed the cat. I have told him little bits here and there about how old she is and how she's not doing very well and such. In fact the other day I was talking to him and for the first time I also added in that she might not be around much longer, I told him she might die soon, and his response had his brothers and I rolling in laughter....he looks up at me and says, "ok, that'd be good!". I was so not expecting that reaction! He's just very practical about it. He figures she's sick and peeing all over the house so it's just time for her to go. Well alrighty then! I just hope that attitude holds out when he comes home from school tonight and she's gone.

Wish me luck....

Hot Cocoa Swap Questionnaire

2008-01-06T03:53:00.000Z

Cocoa:
1. What is your favorite way to drink cocoa? Prepared with milk? Water? from home made recipe or store bought?, In a tea cup, or big mug?
Big mug and usually with water as I don't do milk unless it's after a lactaid pill! What sort I like...hmm....well as it's chocolate I don't think I'll be picky. Although one sort I have always wanted to try is the spicy sort like mexican hot chocolate.
2. Marshmallows or whipped cream?
Whipped cream.

Yarn/Knitting/Crochet
1. What is your favorite type of yarn? In what colors?
I am a newbie knitter so I haven't many favorites yet but I love soft wools and don't care much for fad types like fun fur.
2. Do you knit or crochet (or both)?
I can crochet but am only knitting now.
3. What are your favorite type of needles, would you like to try something new?
I like wood the best so far and just ordered my first set of harmony dpn's just cuz they are soooo pretty. Always willing to try something new.
4. Do you have a healthy supply of notions?
I have practically nothing as I just started knitting this year.
5. What one thing do you keep thinking you need to buy for your knitting habit (outside of yarn)?
More needles and a row counter.
6. What is your favorite 'quick knit/crochet' pattern (quick gratification)
Dishcloths.

Miscellaneous
1. What is your favorite thing to do in the Winter?
I love to watch it snow...it's so peaceful. Sledding ranks up there too. Ohh mulled wine...mmmm.
2. What is your favorite animal?
hmmm.....I am a birdwatcher so I do love birds in the wild. Especially owls.
3. Do you get the 'winter blahs'?
Not really to badly. I love having four distinct seasons so I really do enjoy them each for different reasons. What gets me down the most I think is just being so stunk indoors when it gets really cold.
4. What is your favorite way to beat the blahs?
Didn't I already mention the mulled wine? :) Glass of wine and a good book is great as well as a movie marathon of comedy with a good friend to laugh with.
5. What is the thing you are most looking forward to this spring?
Opening the windows in the house that first time and letting in the fresh cool air. Oh, and moving to England!
6. What are your favorite treat?
Mini reese peanut butter cups.
7. What is your favorite board game?
Polarity.
8. Do you have any children (furry or human)?
Three boys...16, 14 and 6.
9. Do you have any allergies or special considerations you partner should know about?
Nope :) Well actually now that I think about it...I don't care for white chocolate or mint-chocolate.

So pretty

2008-01-01T19:34:00.001Z

I'm running out of time....

2007-12-30T06:27:00.000Z

The kids all return tomorrow. It's been days of blissful yet boring peace and quiet. Some plans for Saturday fell through and left me a little lonely feeling so I am really looking forward to the company again.

It's going to be a rather busy few weeks coming up. Jury duty, court, haircut, waxing, find a dress for the party, finish my poncho(I really want to wear in on the flight), find a hostess gift...that's all I can think of at the moment. Oh, clean the bedrooms, un-decorat the house, the church, committee meeting...doctor's appt., scripts refilled, cashflow...I kinda wish I hadn't started a list now that I see it.

Thinking of resolutions. Not sure what I would like to set for myself yet...I am trying to be brutally realistic this time around.

yawn

2007-12-28T12:22:00.001Z

I am sooooo tired. I had to have the kids at church by 6 am this morning. Then straight in to work by seven. I have a steaming cup of coffee sitting here and I am desperately hoping it will wake me up a bit. I stayed up far, far to late last night. Knitting and chatting with Mitch. We were watching this show called ghost hunters...pretty interesting. It's a decent show because they don't seem to make a big deal about it all. They actually try very hard to debunk the claims and most often tell the clients that they don't think there is any haunting going on. One episode last night though was creepy...they caught voices and things on film...just creepy.

My mom had this boyfriend once who's mother believed her house was haunted. She said that if you left a tape player recording all night you'd pick up voices. I never had the courage to try it...just too creepy.

Anyhow, 7 and a half more hours until I can have a nap. ahhhh the advantages of a childless week!

countdown

2007-12-27T17:12:00.000Z

January 14th we go to court to see if I can obtain permission to take Jordan out of the country to live with me in the UK. I don't know if we will get a final decision that day or not but I am certainly hoping so. Naturally one in my favor. Just talked to R too and he's let his lawyer go and will be showing up on his own. That will only work in my favor as he's never performed well on his own in court thus far. We'll see. Many anxious days between now and then. *sigh*

After

2007-12-22T11:25:00.000Z

Yes, I realize it's not Christmas yet but the boys are all spending those particular days with their Dads so I jostled things a little bit :)

Jordan was soooo cute. he woke up and came into the living room and curled up on the couch with me. A good five minutes went by before he sat up with a gasp and said "Momma!! Open your eyes and look straight ahead!!!" This was at 6 am!! So I sent him to wake his brothers and the shredding began.

Everyone seemed very please with all their gifts. :) I was especially anxious about Mitch because he never gave me a list. What child has trouble making a Christmas list?!?! Once everything was opened I started dozing on the couch and Mark took care of his little brother so I could sleep a bit more. THAT was my Christmas gift...blissful extra sleep :) woohoo!! I woke up around 11 am to the smell of bacon...yeah he started cooking breakfast for us all. This wonderful child cleaned up the wrapping paper, organized the stuff back under the tree, took care of and played with his little brother and started breakfast! I am very blessed.

Before

2007-12-22T06:36:00.000Z

ltns

2007-12-13T16:56:00.000Z

Ohhh here's a fantastic addition to the chronicles of moronia!!

So the ex calls me the other day and asks for my help uploading his resume onto an online job application. He says he's tried and tried and it's just not showing up in the little box that says "submit resume here." OK...so after I walk him through browsing for it and uploading it and still nothing shows up I figure he's looking at something wrong and since I can't see his screen it'd be best to just copy paste the darn thing in. Now, you have to understand that this man has trouble making a capital letter because he simply doesn't know to use the shift key. Trust me it's really that bad....you'll see. So I walk him through the copying of his resume...which includes..."go to start...click on all programs...click on word...." etc. I get him to copy it and tell him to go back to the website now. "How?" he asks. I am sooo not kidding here. I direct him to the little buttons at the bottom of his screen and at last he finds the web page again. OK..."now," I tell him, "click in the little box." "Ok," he replies. "Now right click," I instruct and wait a beat for the menu to come up but before I can continue he says this..."ok I typed click" Yes folks, he typed the word click when I told him to "right click" Sad really...very very funny but seriously a five yr old knows how to write click with ease.

Oh oh and another little tidbit for you....the girl at work that I have complained about who is constantly slacking off....she got written up for poor performance!!! Shocked the hell out of me!

2007-12-03T03:23:00.001Z

Wow.

2007-12-02T19:38:00.001Z

2007-11-26T21:11:00.001Z

love is...

2007-11-15T16:57:00.000Z

Blue October - Calling You

2007-11-10T00:15:00.000Z

Squirrels

2007-11-09T20:22:00.001Z

This pumpkin was solid! I had left it outside to stay fresh and was planning on carving it up into a centerpiece for Thanksgiving. At least the squirrels enjoyed it.

Monday

2007-11-05T21:15:00.000Z

I feel like Garfield the cat....remember he'd pull the blanket over his head and say "I hate Mondays"? Goodness this was a Monday. Work was sooooooo busy. I was doing my job most of the day but then had to squeeze in doing Tina's too and her comments just about drove me over the freaking edge. I am sure she was trying to be pleasant and funny but it just pissed me off. If she had done the job right and thoroughly the first time I wouldn't be having to do the work at all.

There is also a bit of a shake up going on at work...the team I work on is going to be reporting to a different boss and apparently set up differently. My boss asked me today what I liked best about what I do...what tasks I enjoyed the most. I have no idea where this is going and though it's not really worrying I hate not knowing stuff. I like who I work with and what I do and would be happy with just no more changes just now.

Then to just top off the this Monday I got home and discovered that the cat missed the darn littler box again! It's like she walked into it and hung her butt out the end and peed all over the floor. I could smell it when I came in. Ugh. It's raining and windy and I had a long hard day and all I wanted to do is come home and curl up on the sofa and knit. Now I have a floor to mop. Yeah, I haven't done it yet.

bleh.

Winner!!!

2007-11-05T13:55:00.000Z

Jordan has declared Deb of Deb's Doodles n' Things as the winner of the Christmas bowls :)

Congrats Deb and enjoy them!!!!!

Scarf for Shawn

2007-11-04T05:07:00.001Z

wow

2007-11-03T19:51:00.000Z

$58.30...and that was all from one street. The other street we left flyers gave us nothin'!

gonna be a loooooong day

2007-11-03T14:07:00.000Z

Today is bottle drive day. Can you feel my excitement? It's just ooooozing outta me. I will participate fully even though I despise returning bottles to the store. Truly I do. I save them and save them until I have a trunk full in my car and then I make the two oldest do it for me :) Child labor..yeah yeah. I don't know what it is I hate about it so much...the stickiness maybe? I just can't be bothered to rinse them out before bagging them up. Maybe it's the smell of the recycle area at the store, it just smells of old beer in there, yuk. Could just be that I am just that lazy! naw can't be that ;)

Anyhoo...today we will go driving about to collect bottles as a fund raiser for Mitch's class trip to Washington DC and I will do it gladly for two reasons. One...the trip costs nearly $700 and my budget is already stretched so tight that it squeaks and whines and all funds raised will be applied to the first payment that is due in a month. Secondly, if he participates in at least 5 fund raisers he will be added to the list of students who get a portion of the general fund raising fund. Mark got $50 spending money from the general fund when he went a couple years ago so it'll be worth it not to have to shell out spending money on top of everything else it will cost to send him.

We put out flyers on 70 houses letting them know that we are collecting and when we'd be picking up the bottles. I am very curious as to the response we will receive. When Mark did it he just went door to door with a group from school and just asked for the bottles straight out. It's a different process this time so we shall see how it works. We are scheduled to do a bottle drive four or five times so I guess we will know after today if we need to spread more flyers or less to get a decent collection.

Other notes for the day....Holy smokes I can't believe how many responses I have to my giveaway!!! It's very exciting...I think I have had more hits in one day that I had in the whole life of this blog! I wonder if anyone will come back when the lure of freebies goes away? 122 comments so far and a few very sweet ones that compliment the blog itself. awww :) thanks.

Also today is knitting...I am bound and determined to finish my first ever knitting project. I have started working down the back now and am very eager to get it done before Mark gets here in a couple weeks. I would love to be able to wear it on our out and abouts.

Did you see that btw? He will be here in two weeks! Two weeks!!!! 14 days 8 hours and 23 minutes....not that I am counting or anything. Biggest question of this trip....will he pop the question? Yeah...THE question.

ok off to wake the teenagers and get this day a going.

Fall Y'all Giveaway

2007-10-31T21:05:00.000Z

I have been wandering through all the giveaways on the Fall Y'all giveaway and though it's a late start I am inspired to give something away too...just seems like fun :)

Sooooo....what I have for you is an adorable set of Christmas bowls. Perfect for holiday dinners!! Leave a comment and make sure you leave your email address and I will pick a winner on Monday, November 5th by way of random number selection. (aka the little guy and a hat full of numbers!)

Good Luck!

ratted out

2007-10-30T17:58:00.000Z

well, today I ratted out my co-worker that is slacking off. I held my tongue for soooo long and finally today the boss asked me straight out what I thought the problem was. Why were so many things falling through the cracks? Why was so much work being completed only when things exploded? Why do we always seem to be running behind?

I started out by asking if there was anything wrong with Tina. Was she having trouble at home...something I was unaware of. Playing the sympathy card first ;) Then I just laid it all out. How and what has been slipping and that it's things that are her responsibility and that every time she isn't in (she works mon, wed, fri) all Shawn and I do is put out fires all day long on her work....while keeping up on our own. It's frustrating as hell.

I feel immensely better having aired it all out though I am fairly certain that nothing will really come of it. She makes a good deal more money than I do too. THAT pisses me right off.

feeling pissy

2007-10-25T14:46:00.000+01:00

I have a pounding headache and I am soooo pissed and frustrated. There is this girl at work who has been slacking. really truely slacking. She only works three days a week and every time she is not here something blows up because she hasn't touched it for weeks and then it becomes suddenly urgent. This has been going on for months and now we have to "support" her by helping out and taking some things off her plate. Pisses me right off. Basically she has not been doing her job and now rather than her getting into any sort of trouble let's just shift her work to those around her who actually get something done during the day. I'd just like to know what the hell she does at her desk all day long.

Autumn breezes in...

2007-10-19T16:10:00.001+01:00

I do love this time of year.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmm

2007-10-19T03:21:00.000+01:00

When did my baby become a little boy?

best comic ever

2007-10-18T13:14:00.000+01:00

A Day at the Farm

2007-10-15T01:17:00.000+01:00

We had a great day today. Church was pleasant and it was nice to see everyone as usual but the best part of the day was the church outing to the farm. We got to do all the wonderful fall activities that I adore. We got to take a horse drawn wagon ride out to the pumpkin patch and we each got a pumpkin for carving.

Jordan got himself a little teeny tiny pumpkin that he was so completely thrilled over. Naturally, he still had to have a big one too :) I will be sure to post some pics of the pumpkins once we have given them some personality.

Would you look at those boys! It's pictures like these where I just can't believe how big they are. How grown up Mark and Mitch look...Even J looks awfully tall standing next to his brother. He'll soon be taller than momma just like the other two.

Jordan loved this little piglet. The little thing wouldn't dare remove his face from his food but every single time Jordan snorted at him he snorted right back. It was so very funny and J just thought it was the best that the pig was "talking to me".

"Smile, oh oldest child who has avoided the camera most of the day" I was shocked it actually worked and I didn't get a grunt as response or eyes rolling or anything! Look...looook I think he's even smiling!!

Cows...cows with poop on their legs...nice farm smell and a delight to the small boy and one larger one who loves all things gross and disgusting. eeeewwww.

bleh

2007-10-13T17:18:00.000+01:00

I am feeling icky today. A little bit dizzy and headachey...just generally out of sorts. No good since Mitch wants a friend over for the night, a friend that drives me a little crazy when he is here...a little to loud and a little to active. I'd really love a quiet day of tea and knitting. Maybe I'll make some spicy soup to clear my stuffed up head. hmmm now there is a good idea. Maybe some black bean or chili. hmmmm....

Retaking the MEAP

2007-10-12T13:27:00.000+01:00

Kids across the state have to retake the MEAP test. So this time wasting test must now waste yet more time as students have to re-take the written part of the exam. I am not real fond of this test to begin with as I don't believe it represents a true assessment of a kids education. It's all standard and they practice for weeks for it. A true assessment wouldn't need practice now would it? Shouldn't it just be a showing of what the kids have learned rather than what has been drilled into them in the weeks leading up to test days. For example, my middle son hasn't done anything in his language arts class...nothing but MEAP prep since the start of the year. No books to read, no lessons learned, just drilled in knowledge that will protect the school from funding losses.

knitting

2007-10-09T21:25:00.001+01:00

I have taken up a new hobby :) I am getting teased by my kids, a co worker and have had more than a few funny looks while knitting in public but I am really enjoying it. I took a class in July and August of this year at the prompting of my therapist that I find something to do just for myself. This is my first real project and I am making a poncho. Aren't these colors fantastic!?

I really like the way things are coming along though it's taking a bit longer than I expected. I have had to alter the pattern a little to make it bigger too. The original stopping point for the front would have left me with a halter top I think so I just continued up more and more and I think I am just about there now.

I will have to alternate the skeins of yarn next time I do something variegated though as the colors aren't quite as even as I would have liked them to be. I think as I begin the work down the back I will do just that. Actually, I think if the "back" comes out nicer than the front I will just spin things around a bit and use the best side forward.

Happiness

2007-09-29T17:44:00.000+01:00

2007-09-18T00:00:00.001+01:00

Bling Bling!

well now...

2007-09-11T02:32:00.000+01:00

Deanna --

[noun]:

A dance involving little to no clothing

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

2007-09-01T02:53:00.000+01:00

76 hours 52 minutes

2007-08-29T17:53:00.000+01:00

...and Mark will be here! I simply can't wait. I have missed him so very much.

yawn

2007-08-28T18:33:00.000+01:00

I am so sleepy today. I tossed and turned all night long last night. Partly because I laid down with a migraine and slept away the afternoon yesterday and partly because I am feeling anxious about Mark's visit. No, not about his actual visit but I am afraid he's going to cancel at the very last minute...that something is going to change again and we'll fall backwards all over again. I have been awake since 4am...came in to work at 6am since it seemed silly at the time to try again to sleep just for an hour...now I am wishing for that hour of sleep.

On another note, I may have found a free knitting circle to join. It meets on Wednesday evenings and since it's free I won't feel guilty over missing a meeting if I don't have a sitter for J. I'd like to go to the circle at Ewenique Knits, the people there were very nice, I just don't want to have to pay for it. Besides I don't like being forced into buying only their yarn either...which is a requirement for joining a circle there.

Back to work with me...not that I am being terribly productive as tired as I am but I shall make the effort. Home for a nap I think before my welcome committee tonight at church. Yeah...nap sounds so delicious.

12 people!

2007-08-23T18:35:00.000+01:00

Wowza...

I had 12 visits this week! I get a little report from site meter every week on who visits and from where and usually it's one maybe two people and that's about it but low and behold twelve people stopped by this week! I've been terribly busy recently and it's just been a rather bleak several months so I haven't been around to write much. Really, who wants to listen to me wine and wine (or is that whine and whine?) about my awful not so very bad life. I'm blessed in so many ways but there are just a few things that have been quite difficult to cope with in the last several months. Writing about them just brings them to the surface when I have got them all tucked neatly away so I just don't.

Things are looking up some though. A big worry had been work. My project was ending and my future was not secure. I kept getting the "don't worry" bit from my boss but never any idea of what I would be doing so naturally I worried. I am well on my way on not one but two new projects as well as overseeing the conclusion of the ended one so I am firmly secure in the job again. Such a relief. Michigan job market sucks. Really truly sucks and I didn't want to be looking for a job at all.

Mom is still terribly ill. She's slowly getting worse and worse and I haven't been dealing with it well. She's fading away and it makes me so awfully sad that I ache to my very core. I'm going to see her in a couple weeks when Mark visits. Will be good to see her but oh so very hard to see her.

Mark is coming. Things are leveling out there which is very good. Still....I am very afraid it will all fall apart somehow. He'll be here in just over 9 days. Lots of long future plans talks will be happening so decisions will be made.

Phew....enough with the all that, how about a funny for you? There is a very cute ebay auction that someone sent me that I just have to share. So there you go. Don't say I never gave you anything!

Speaking of giving....I have gotten something for Mark for his birthday and I am having second thoughts about it. It suddenly seems a little cheesy and silly. What do you get for a man that is sweet ad meaningful that doesn't end up being cheesy? It's such a fine line. *sigh* I'll let you know how it goes.

How pure are you?

2007-07-03T18:32:00.000+01:00

33 %

I am only 33 percent pure according to the purity test!

What's your score?

News

2007-06-15T13:03:00.001+01:00

I was surfing the top news stories of the day as I enjoyed my bagel and coffee this morning. Yeah, at work....bagel Fridays....it was just for a few minutes...honest. Anyhow. Here I am reading a bit of this headline and that one...Paris Hilton back to jail....something about sleeper cells...some guy winning 54 millions dollars because the cleaners lost his pants....mad squirrel injures three. Typical day stuff and nothing much catching my interest. Well, until the geek came out in me. Pluto is not only not a planet anymore but did you know there's another dwarf planet out there bigger than it. Makes me go all philosophical and wonder how far out it all extends...just on and on. What else is out there? How did we end up with all the right stuff for life to thrive here? If you haven't ever checked out the Privileged Planet, you really should. It's all about creationism but even if you don't believe in that it's really fascinating to consider all the pieces that must fall into place for life to really thrive. I know. Such a geek.

Yeah, I read about the mad squirrel too.

2. Actually accomplish the list!

2007-06-14T17:22:00.000+01:00

I made such a nice list and yet got absolutely nothing done last weekend. Between baseball games and picnics we had hardly any time at all at home to get things done. The house is a disaster as a result! It's already Thursday and another weekend is here...another shot to torture my children with chores. The little guy is away for the weekend with his Dad. No baseball games. No picnics. No fun stuff at all planned. Oh boy oh boy am I looking forward to this.

Therapy tonight...not sure it's doing any real good, honestly. I can't seem to really open up and talk about much more than surface stuff. I know it's me that is inhibiting the process but I don't know how to change it. I go in with the best intentions, even a list of things I would like to talk about but once I am sitting there and she's smiling and nodding at me I find myself filling the hour with nothing of importance. Maybe this week will be different.

On the same note, I got me some happy pills. Cymbalta. I went to my regular doctor last week and sat and cried like a fool. He swears these will help lift the fog. I do hope he's right.

To do:

2007-06-06T15:42:00.001+01:00

Okay...so I succumbed to that mood the other day and now am so severely behind in just about everything! A list will help right? Help me at least identify the things I'm not doing as well as all the "spring cleaning" I never did.

1. Dust everything including the ceiling fans.
2. vaccummmmm living room (I can never spell that word!)
3. Clean behind the computer desk. (sorry dust bunnies, the heard will have to go)
4. Clean under the couch. (vacummmmmmmm)
5. Take storage boxes that have sat in the corner all winter to storage unit. (This includes the fake Christmas tree in the trunk of the car)
6. Clean out kitchen cupboards.
7. Clean out fridge.
8. Change cat litter. (This I've done recently enough, honest!)
9. Clean out bathroom cupboard and storage baskets.
10. Oh yeah, clean out the kitchen drawers too.
11. Sweep and mop. (Even behind the fridge???)
12. Clean out my closet and dresser drawers. (Force children to do the same, at least this will be entertaining!!)
13. Store winter clothes.
14. vacummmmmm bedrooms.
15. Fix my bike.
16. Clean out the car. (windows, vacummm, trunk, the whole nine yards)
17.

to be continued...updated...etc.

rainy days and mondays....

2007-06-03T20:26:00.001+01:00

I feel like doing absolutely nothing today. My house is a mess, the laundry has procreated in the night and is overflowing now, my to read stack is glaring at me, I've even avoided conversations today...and tomorrow is Monday. Oh the joy.

my sister

2007-05-30T17:52:00.000+01:00

I spent hours yesterday emailing back and forth to my little sister. The most conversation, the only conversation, I have had with her in 5 years. She's way younger than I am...12 years younger and I didn't even meet her until she was 18. So we have alot of missing time. We've been in touch a couple times...and get along really well...it just sort of falls away again every time.

Another week...

2007-05-24T14:27:00.001+01:00

Therapy tonight...it's an odd thing to be in therapy. Some days I am not sure I even really need to be going but then I get there and start babbling and she starts talking and making so much sense that it convinces me again that it's a good thing to be doing. I'm not particularly bad off, many people are in a much worse way than I am but life's stress just got to be too much to handle on my own.

The thing is I have always, all my life, looked at "happy normal people" and wondered what their secret was. I am always unsure and a little fearful...usually I just push right through it but I guess it just feels like I am the only one who is anxious or worried. That's not a rational though I do realize that most people have the same feelings as I do from time to time, some worse and some less than I do. I just want to relax and be happy. Just live life without worrying all the time what's around the next bend.

I didn't used to be like this. People used to tell me I was always smiling. I was generally happy and calm. I made friends easily and had a nice social circle. Now everything feels like an effort. Nothing comes easily anymore, not the smiles, the friends...life just feels really hard right now.

Then I feel a twinge of guilt. I have a pretty good life. Healthy happy kids, a nice place to live in a nice area. A good job. So many have it so much harder than I do that I feel a little guilty for whining about my own.

Yeah, and on that not I suppose it's time to stop whining for today.

Our first cast

2007-05-22T20:06:00.001+01:00

I have three sons and this one is the first to wear a cast...almost 16 solid years and he's blown my track record! He fell from the monkey bars and landed on the wrist...it's a buckle fracture and this little man only cried right when it happened.

Actually, I spoke with his teacher and she says he never cried! He says he did when he fell but he must have sucked it up awefully quick.

Three weeks in a cast, he's already counting the days down...lucky thing is it will be off in plenty of time for our trip to Florida in July.

What makes you happy?

2007-05-09T15:50:00.000+01:00

Someone asked me that today and I couldn't come up with an answer. I just replied simply that "that's a complicated question". It shouldn't be one though should it? What makes me happy? I think this will be a task this week...something positive to focus on. Just a list, a simple list of things that make me feel happy.

The perscription I need

2007-05-08T21:19:00.000+01:00

I am the project

2007-05-08T17:07:00.000+01:00

Ohh this is going to be bad bad bad. I have been officially declared a project. Shawn, a girl I work with, has decided that I am her pet project this summer. She already harrasses me constantly...have I drank my water today, do I have heels on, am I "bringing the sexy back"...on and on and on. I will be the first to admit that I shrank very deep inside myself when I was married to Randy and have only just barely begin to come back out again but goodness she's gonna push me outta my comfort zone. She's got all sorts of ideas for me...tennis lessons, dance lessons, getting out...just out where other adult type people are. She's got all sorts of ideas of what I need. She's probably right about most of it but ohhh I am not so sure I am ready to dive in like she'd like me to.

What happened to the old me? The one who loved to go out? The one who loved meeting people, made friends easily...the one who lived life.

feeling so-so

2007-05-08T14:50:00.000+01:00

Well, I went to the therapist. I'm not sure how I feel about it...sort of like it was a waste of time, sort of. I assumed she'd say things like...woooah you are quite a mess, or yes, I see a few things we can work on, or here please take these drugs! There wasn't anything like that at all. She agreed I was under alot of stress and talked a bit about how worry and depression pop up no matter how I try to ignore it and bury it. When I am busy it's set aside but soon as things calm down it's right back again. I don't think I was expecting answers so much as I was at least expecting her to say, "yeah, you do need to be here". I go again on Friday so I guess we'll see.

I also got a new book...self help sort about reclaiming and healing your inner child. Going to spend some time with it tonight.

I'm just so tired of feeling like I am merely, barely surviving. Like I am always waiting on that one thing to happen and THEN I'll be happy. So I am doing a bit of searching to see if I can find that happy person I honestly remember being.

Don't worry...just trust me

2007-05-03T00:45:00.000+01:00

These words make my stomach tie up in knots and my head spin. I heard them twice today from two different sources. I am done...just absolutely overwhelmed. I am seeing a theripist on Friday...something I never thought I would ever in my life do. I have been before...a few times...and never with any results that made it feel remotely worthwhile.

I was forced into family therpy as a child and hated it. The therpist was a moron, or at least I thought so....all...ummm and yeaaaahhhh and no answers. I do understand that they just guide you along but it was a nightmare of only the parents being heard and me sitting there fuming. The next enlightening trip was with my first husband...I thought it went alright but then he told me he didn't want me to go with him again because then I took the focus off him. Another trip with the next husband resulted in an argument with the teripist about how I said something. Not what I said, not how I felt but just the words I used...he was offended by my grammer. Honestly! Next up was another trip with that husband...this time to a marriage counselor. That guy wasn't so bad and is probably the main reason I have decided that they aren't all bad and am willing to give it a go. It was a waste of time of course that time too since the husband didn't and wouldn't listen to anything he said. We attended two sessions and divorced a year later.

This time it's all about me though. I am not coping well with the overwhelming stress that I am facing just now.

Will it rain today?

Stand Off

visitors

ugh!

pretty pretty lights

not mature enough

Just not feeling it

:(

delete selected

right...moving on now.

Yes…

Thoughts

2 * 2 = 1?!!

‘nice farm smell’

Nervous

Ho hum

6 weeks 1 day 20 hours to go

happy, happy, joy, joy

Kill them

Oops!

Far too sleepy

19 days

peek a boo

Battered and Bruised

I have a job!

Queen!

What a great weekend!

Just a little slow today!

Brilliant!!

busy busy busy

Well, another day another dollar.

You take the good...you take the bad

I'm Back :)

Start at the very begining...

All I want for Easter is my two front teeth

love is...

the details

I AM MOVING TO ENGLAND!!!!!

Cocoa Swap Presents!!!

Yes. I remember Adlestrop—

Topic of the Week #3: Project Process - UK SWAP

missing England

home sweet home...

Cocoa Swap topic week #2

UK Swap Questionnaire

no decision

not that I'm counting......

getting antsy

Woohoo

Late night excitement

Scavenger Hunt

sad, sad day

Hot Cocoa Swap Questionnaire

So pretty

I'm running out of time....

*yawn*

countdown

After

Before

ltns

Wow.

love is...

Blue October - Calling You

Squirrels

Monday

Winner!!!

Scarf for Shawn

wow

gonna be a loooooong day

Fall Y'all Giveaway

ratted out

feeling pissy

Autumn breezes in...

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmm

best comic ever

A Day at the Farm

bleh

Retaking the MEAP

knitting

Happiness

yawn